The stress in my house has reached fever pitch in the last few weeks—palpable, chaotic, draining, and upsetting. I haven’t felt capable of thinking, let alone picking up a camera with any thought of inspiration. If I’m completely honest, I’ve been about as close to breaking as I’ve ever experienced. I’ve had to summon all my mental resilience to force myself through this period in order to remain available for my eldest daughter, Sofia.
Photography is my salvation. To get out, to try and clear my head, to notice the beauty around me, and to try and see beyond the destruction of the life I had envisioned.
We hadn’t been out for a walk for over a week; neither Sofia, my mum, nor myself had the energy left until yesterday. We needed time to recover, to let our nervous systems return to something resembling normal, and simply to get used to living in peace again. Yesterday was the first time I’d had a good night’s sleep in months. It’s the first time a huge grey cloud of stress and exhaustion didn’t feel quite as present as it has been for the last three months, and the first time I woke up without the certainty of fighting another battle.
So, I suggested a walk along the River Earn—a beautiful spot where mature trees line a path right next to the banks as it meanders toward Crieff and beyond. Even though I was lacking inspiration, I wanted to try and get back in the swing of things and take a camera with me.
I returned to my trusty friend, the Fujifilm X-T5. This walk wasn’t about getting the shot; the camera was brought along almost as a companion, to help me rediscover myself and feel the simple urge of pressing the shutter. I chose the X-T5 instinctively as a tool I’ve owned for a long time now—one that I’m familiar with, and one that through its tactile buttons and dials gives the tangible experience of using a camera, not a computer. It’s light and unobtrusive, yet I know that in the unlikely event I actually make a decent photo, the image quality and look will be excellent.
More than any other camera I own, the X-T5 makes me feel like a photographer who makes pictures rather than takes them. It’s not the fastest, fanciest, or most expensive; it doesn’t look professional or have headline-grabbing specs. But it truly is a photographer’s camera that can inspire you, and that’s what I need right now.
In the last couple of months, I’ve been juggling multiple issues: navigating the best interests of my youngest daughter, Izzy, managing the conflict in the house, trying to remain a place of stability and support for Sofia, acting as a defender of my mother, and trying to stabilize a website that lost a large chunk of its income overnight back in late May. With growing emotional and financial pressures mounting, the emotional ones finally exploded and came to a head. The financial pressures are still with me, but at least now I can hopefully start to have a clear enough head soon to be able to address them.
As we walked down the old path at Lady Mary’s Walk in Crieff, Sofia looked carefree and relaxed as she treated every rock and obstacle as her own private assault course. We dropped off the path several times to explore the rocks strewn at the river’s edge. I took the X-T5 off my Capture Clip and started to feel something. I was still very flat, but the creative juices—while not flowing—were at least starting to trickle as I saw my mum and Sofia howling with laughter as they teased each other and feigned pushing each other into the river.
We had planned to walk the length of the path and do a circular route back to the car park. The walk is stunning, with mature Scots pines and other trees lining each side. However, once Sofia saw the sand at the riverbank, we simply sat, ate a snack, and played in the sand and amongst the rock pools like kids on a summer holiday, reminding me of being Sofia’s age and family trips to Cornwall back in the 80s and 90s.
Before we knew it, two hours had passed, and the fresh air had us all yawning. We made our way back along the river towards the car, home, and a much-needed afternoon nap. The X-T5 had done its job and left me feeling a little lighter than I have in weeks.
With the way my income and other things have been going lately, I’ve questioned what I’m doing and where I am going. I’ve considered selling off many of my cameras, even thinking at one point about removing the X-T5 and all my X-lenses. Yesterday showed me why I won’t do that.
I’ve seen the rumors of the X-T6, and I’ve even been in contact with Fujifilm UK about securing an early model. But looking ahead, I simply don’t see any camera replacing my X-T5. It offers an experience that is unmatched when you just want to make photographs and enjoy the sheer experience of doing so.
For anyone who is dealing with stress, getting out with your camera, with no pressure to get any shots at all but simply to start to notice the world around you, is probably one of the best medicines I can think of.
If you want to read more articles like this one then here are a few links:
A walk in Pethshire with the 56mm 1.2WR
A walk through Beaver country with the Fuji X-T5
Returning to the woodlands of Perthshire with the Fuji X100VI